Refrigerator Revolution

A depressed family-sized jar of full cream mayonnaise was staring despondently at the inside of the closed refrigerator door.
“What’s up, old buddy?” asked his friend, a worried bottle of oily salad dressing.
“I’m being replaced by my low fat and low cholesterol relatives,” sniffed the mayonnaise unhappily.
“Bad luck, mate,” sympathised the salad dressing sincerely. “We’ll miss you.”
“It won’t stop at me!” wailed the heartbroken mayonnaise miserably. “You’ll be next! Those uncaring humans will soon discover your no added sugar and oil free siblings. You’ll be redundant too. Then who will be next to join the unemployment queues?”
The salad dressing was shocked by the unexpected news. He had always believed that he was a popular favourite at the dinner table. The dazed bottle’s glass knees gave way beneath him and he sat down heavily on a convenient but protesting slab of butter.
“I knew you’d be retrenched, sooner or later,” sniggered a spiteful bottle of tomato sauce.
“You’re not far behind, Tom,” a brave tub of polyunsaturated margarine defended his cousin mayonnaise and his good friend salad dressing. “The humans aren’t so fond of your artificial colours, flavours and preservatives. You’ve hardly been used at all: you’re almost full!” As the other products in the refrigerator burst into peals of laughter, the humbled tomato sauce bully glanced shamefacedly at his victims and muttered an almost inaudible apology.
“I don’t have to worry about being fired,” sighed a relieved salami.
“Neither do I,” seconded a raw Porterhouse steak. “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t enjoy a juicy piece of meat on their plate.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, buster,” argued a bowl of lentils hotly.
“There is a major trend towards vegetarianism these days,” a carton of soy milk stated, backing up the legumes.
“I’m an old favourite!” declared a confident overweight block of cheddar cheese.
“Not for long!” warned a slim tub of cottage cheese. “You’re full of fat!”
“It seems everyone wants to be healthy these days,” observed a pot of honey.
“That’s right, hon,” agreed a jar of crunchy, natural peanut butter. “They’ll always stick by our natural goodness!”
“I’m full of natural goodness too!” boasted a loaf of wholemeal bread. “I’m nice and brown!”
“So what if you have a golden tan?” retorted his white, thickly sliced toast counterpart. “We couldn’t all go to the tropics for our vacation, but I’m just as delicious!”
“I…I don’t have anything to worry about, do I?” asked a battery hen egg cautiously.
“I’m afraid you do,” a tub of low fat bio-dynamic yoghurt informed him gravely. “You’re not in the good books either, egghead.”
“What about me?” demanded an excitable carton of custard eagerly. Mr. Yoghurt shook his head sadly.
“Hmph!” a bar of chocolate declared his feelings on nutritious eating. “No matter how health conscious these humans become, they’ll never give me up!”
“I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right,” sighed a continental cucumber dejectedly. “Maybe they’ll find room for me in their diets too.”
“And me!” piped up a fit stick of celery, while he did aerobics. “My union, the five food groups, declared that I am extremely healthy.”
“We’re nutritious and delicious!” a hand of bananas advertised simultaneously.
“Only ze vealthy piple vill drink moi!” bragged a bottle of mineral water in a French accent.
“Everyone just loves O.J.!” declared an easy going bottle of orange juice proudly.
“I’m for the masses to enjoy!” a leftover hamburger smiled happily.
“I am a delicacy reserved for those who can afford me!” a tiny snobbish container of caviar proclaimed in an English accent.
“Stop!” a wise elderly carrot demanded his quarrelling colleagues’ attention. “We’re all important.”
“Here, here!” cheered a crowd of vegetables who were campaigning for equal rights for groceries.
“Without us,” continued the vegetable leader, “the human race, from the beggar on the street to the king in his castle, just couldn’t survive!”

Copyright 2006 Ilanit Tof. All rights reserved